Diary of a Frozen Heart
by Leuca
Summary: Narcissa Black has always done what she has been told, including whom she will marry and what her life will be like. This is her story, told to her closest friend.
1. Chapter One

Diary of a Frozen Heart

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Yeah, I know. I should be writing another chapter to Magical Mysticism (for those who like dark D/G, check it out!), but I'm starting a story instead. Sue me. Well, let me know what you think, if you like it or hate it or w/e. I really value your input. If you want me to read & review your story, leave a note in a review. Or e-mail me at _Leuca_2007@hotmail.com__. I'll answer all emails/ questions asked of me. Well, I guess that's it. So its on with the show. _

August 20th

Dear Diary,

My life is not mine. Ever since I was younger, I have been promised to another. It's the way things have been in my family for ages. Ever since we were magic, and probably before, if there even was such a time. We, the Blacks, are a very powerful family. Pureblooded, too, although that goes without saying. I am the eldest daughter of my family. I do have an older brother, Frederic, but he is the heir of my family, therefore he does not have to concern himself with matters as I do. All he has to do is follow Fathers wishes, and he is free to do as he pleases. I envy him.

My younger sisters are Bellatrix, and Andromeda. They look to me for an example, one that I must set. It is how things are done in my family. Soon I am to be starting my fifth year at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. It is a good school, although we did get a new Headmaster last year, Albus Dumbledore. He is a Muggle-loving fool if there ever was one. Father was must displeased when he found out about this change. Dippet was really eating out of his hand, or should I say Gringotts account. I doubt Dumbledore would do that. As you might be able to tell, I am a Slytherin.

I am not looking forward to my next year of schooling. I do not see the need, really. I already know my purpose in life, and have accepted it. You see, I am betrothed. 

I have been, ever since my birth. But now, as I approach my sixteenth birthday, it begins to become more real. Mother has begun giving me expansions on my etiquette lessons. They cover everything I shall need to know to become an excellent wife to my husband, and mother to my children. That's the real point of these arranged marriages, anyway. Children. You get married, and have an heir, to carry on the line. The best blood matches will produce the best heirs. Its how its done.

Along with these lessons, Mother has also begun to teach me things about how to please my husband and master. How to cater to his every desire, to make him lust after my every move. How to please him, so he shall not stray to whores and prostitutes the way so many of these arranged marriages tend to do. It is not lore I am very comfortable with. 

Mother is always telling me to watch what I eat, and to watch my manners when I'm with my future husband. To do anything that he might deem inappropriate would be devastating, as he might cancel the match. Then I would be cast out of the family, for shaming it so. 

Andromeda and Bellatrix have it easy. They do not need to undergo these lessons. They are not matched with someone they have never met. They get to do as they please, like Frederic. They are just extra daughters, as it goes in these circles. The eldest son is the heir, and the eldest daughter is married off, to prolong the line. The others are just there, I suppose. 

Andromeda is worrying me, though. She is starting at Hogwarts this year, and seems to be more of a Muggle-lover than anything else. She does not like the discussions Father gives us, about how important it is to have pureblood, and only associate with those who are the same. If Andromeda is chosen into Gryffindor house, I don't know what Father and Mother would do. 

Bellatrix seems all right, though. She is always questioning how to better serve the cause of noble Slytherin. She will be a third year, also a Slytherin. She is excited to go back to school. There will be her friends there, and boys whom she admires. I envy her this luxury, to chose her spouse. 

But I have accepted it. It is my destiny, and what I must do, for Father. For the noble and ancient house of Black. I must do this task, which has been given to me. I shouldn't be so worried, and my thoughts shouldn't be towards the future so much. It's just that tonight, for the first time, I shall meet my suitor. Lucius Malfoy. 

He is a good match, as far as they come. The Malfoys have a reputation of being powerful, and their blood is pure. They are also very rich, and as the heir, Lucius will control much of the family money. Hundreds of millions of gallons will be ours, if not more. Plus Lucius has a nice job at the Ministry. I shall always be provided for.

We are meeting now, because the wedding shall be soon. When I am sixteen, on the 12th of July next year, I shall marry Lucius. Therefore, I have no need to return to Hogwarts after this year. At the end of this year, my schooling shall be complete. 

I don't think that I will miss the school very much. It has never held much for me, and the only place I really feel comfortable is when I am sitting in the dark, shrouded Slytherin common room at night, when there is no one to see me or hear me. 

Lucius, of course, has already finished Hogwarts. As is typical, he is several years older than me. His twenty-eighth birthday shall pass before my sixteenth. Its expected, really. For example, my brother, Frederic, is turned 20 for about a month now. His betrothed is starting Hogwarts this year, actually. Her name is Delia Parkinson, and is a good friend of Andromeda's. 

But, I am straying from the point. Mother gave me this book, to be my friend whilst I'm at school. I think she knows how socially isolated I am. I have female friends, of course. My dorm mates. They are all engaged, also. Slytherins are really the only house that partake in such practices as arranged marriages. The other houses have been infiltrated with Mudblood scum, who weaken the purity of the houses, and the need to carry on such ancient rites.

My dorm mates though are nice. We just don't talk a lot. Slytherin isn't exactly the sort of place where people are very friendly to one another. Despite this, we are incredibly loyal. We have to protect each other, who else is going to? The rest of the school hates us, probably because we are superior to them. 

That's why you, dear diary, are to become my confidant through all of this. My most trusted friend. As for now, though I need to go to Mother for another lesson. It will be an important one, for tonight, tonight, I first lay eyes upon my betrothed. 

Until then, dear diary,

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Narcissa Black

Let me know what you think, and I'll do my best to give you what you want. Let me know if you absolutely hate it, too, or don't think I should consider writing anymore. Remember, if you have something of yours you want me to review, leave a note in a review, or email me at _Leuca_2007@hotmail.com__._

Thanks!

~Leuca


	2. Chapter Two

Diary of a Frozen Heart

Chapter Two

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August 21st, early morn

Dear Diary,

I have resigned myself to this. These are the words I repeat in my head, although my heart weeps with sorrow. I have met my betrothed. Father escorted me to the restaurant where we were to meet, lecturing me all the time of how I must make a good impression upon Lucius, make him see how a match between ourselves would be beneficial. 

It's my life, and he talks about it as only being beneficial? 

I know, I shouldn't get upset. It's just, so hard to stay the perfect little daughter I'm expected to be. But anyway, I am straying from the story of my night.

I was dressed up elegantly, of course. The house-elves had been working all day on my dress and hair. This first impression really truly matters most. My dress was a deep forest green, so dark it could have been black, really. A suitable Slytherin colour would no doubt seem more favorable to my betrothed's eyes. The dress was awkwardly tight, though. My corset chafed as it rubbed against my skin. Mother was most unpleased at the difficulties it took to get it on, and began instructing me to begin a new diet. 

She was also quite distressed about how little my… assets seemed in the dress. Lucius, in her mind, would look at my body first, then my mind. It wasn't until later did I realize how right she actually was. A quick Engorgio spell filled up my bust more fully, though. 

Then it was on to my hair. The long blonde locks of mine were teased, combed, pulled, and shined every which way until both my Mother and my hairstylist agreed. It did look quite pretty, though. It hung down my back, cascading with natural curls. Woven into the strands were bits of gold, so my hair seemed to be fuller of Galleons than our Gringotts account. 

My make-up was done, carefully, by a house-elf, who had specialized in the art for years. She does my mothers face quite often, but this was the first time my mother had deemed the occasion special enough for Lizy to do mine. 

But I must surely bore you, diary, with these facts of my preparation. I am most surely boring myself, and I do have a certain hastiness to write down the nights events before sleep comes to me. 

Father dropped me off at the restaurant, no doubt on his way to some dark meeting of his. That new dark leader, Voldemort, has been stirring up quite some admiration in the pureblooded community. Everyone's joining him. Although, from what I read, that's how it started out with Grindalwald, too. And we all know where that led him.

I walked inside the restaurant slowly, and was escorted to the table where Lucius already sat. From a distance, scanning the room as we first walked in, I could already guess which one was him. The muscular, well-built white-blond in the corner, dressed impeccably in black robes. I wasn't surprised when I was lead to that table.

If I thought Lucius Malfoy was impressive from across the room, it was nothing compared to up close. His handsome face was sharp and pointed, and he had an intelligent, His gray eyes watched me like a hawk, scanning my face, seeming to be calculating my thoughts, before traveling down my bodice, losing their cloudiness in my breasts. It was then that I thought Mother did know what she was talking about. The waiter whom had escorted me took our wine order, then left me alone with my betrothed. 

He spoke first.

"Good evening, Narcissa." His voice was solid, sure of itself. I came upon the impression that here was a man who knew what he was talking about if he did indeed talk, that before me sat a forceful presence. It was then that the wiggle of doubt shivered down my spine. Here was not a man to be reckoned with.

I quickly replied, and our conversation started quite nicely. He is an intelligent, well educated man. He seems endlessly more mature than me, however, I noticed. The age difference is quite apparent between ourselves. However, it is not necessarily bad. 

It was such a delightful change, talking and having an intimate discussion with a man who did not feel the need to be vulgar and disgusting, like those dreadful Marauders back at school are so endeared of acting. I despise all four of them, the little Mudblood lovers, all Gryffindor pride.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. The conversation with Lucius. It was, at first, delightful, speaking of little things, passing the time, really. Then came the serious part of the talk, and supper. 

He began to spoke of our impending marriage, and it soon became clear to me what I am to be. A servant of his, almost. I will be always presentable, and worthy of my Malfoy status. I shall not interrupt him while he is working on either his Ministry work, or his work for the new Dark Lord. I will always direct myself with poise, and grace, and never consort with those beneath me. 

He said, and I quote- "You shall always uphold the Malfoy heritage, acting with dignity, but never familiarity with others, and you must never consort with Mudbloods or Muggles. Also, a heir should be born to us as soon as possible after the wedding. Then you may spend your time raising the boy, and stay out of my life.

This is an arranged marriage. I do not believe that I will become fond of you, and it is doubtful that you will think well of me. However, by the pureblooded standards, this has been arranged, and we both must follow that which has been decided."

Then he proceeded to tell me that I must become a Death Eater, what they call the followers of the new Dark Lord. I don't mind the anti-Muggle sentiments, but serving another master.

It was like school, getting a list of rules of what we can and cannot do. I can already feel my freedoms falling away. I am trading my life for status, and money. I do not know what to feel about it, but I am certain that the wedding will go on. This is too good an opportunity for Father to let pass because of certain feelings of mine.

I suppose I should have guessed at what he was going to tell me. This is what I have been trained for, is it not? All those countless hours, spent with Mother, going through the all the things a pureblooded wife should know. 

Lucius, of course, was eager to learn of my reactions to his codes, though he did not speak this. I, of course, never once lost my composure. I even managed a "That is to be expected," like Father would have wanted. 

Really, I should I have known. I did know, actually. But hearing it like that, from him, hit me deep inside, like an invisible icicle piercing my heart. Everything suddenly became inexplicably real.

Dinner followed. I was reprimanded for eating more than half of the portion on my plate by Lucius, who said with a whisper "We can't have you lose your figure, after all. It would not work to have an overweight Malfoy matriarch."

I nodded, and placed my fork down. After that, I only sipped my wine, which was the best the restaurant had to offer. Lucius finished his meal, and paid for the food. We left the establishment, and wandered outside. Lucius spoke to me calm, compassionate. I learned a great deal about him, and if it had not been for the "list of rules", I would have felt very much attracted to him. 

Then, as we wandered through a small garden area at the end of the lane, he turned to me, and in his eyes, his cold steely eyes, there was a ferocious lust that leaped out of his skin, lingering. I could feel the hot burn of his passion up and down my body, until I could stand it no longer, and turned fully towards him.

Suddenly his years seemed to stretch before me, and instead of the polite, if not cold and uncaring man, there stood a handsome, older man, the type the girls in the Slytherin dorm would have fainted over. He leaned towards me, his hot breath grazing my skin, as he pulled my face up towards his. 

His lips were rough on mine, with none of the fumbling and soft caresses that had been in the romance books I've read. My first kiss. It left my lips bruised, and a fire in my soul, begging for more. He deepened his mouth, and his tongue slithered in, like the snake that he was.

His hands left my shoulders, fell onto my neck, downwards to the shall that warmed me. Lucius grabbed onto my hands, and brought them to his head, leaving them to rest there upon his platinum tresses.

The slithering serpent fingers left my hands, and came to my bosom. He felt my breasts, his fingers tracing over the porcelain white skin, and I must admit, diary, I wanted more. I longed to feel his bare skin next to mine. It was a passion that had been unbridled in me, and even now I can still feel the heat and fire of it all. 

Then, just as quickly as the kiss had begun, it ended. He pulled away, leaving me broken there. He looked at me, and grabbed my hand, that was still playing with his hair. Then, without saying a word, he whisked me off, double Apparation. I remember being next at the door of the Black House. With a small kiss on the cheek, and a nod to my father, who had been inside the door waiting, he then left me, blushing.

I came inside, straight up to my room. I called the House elves, and they removed this dress from me, and then, lest I forget a single event that happened, I began to write.

And that, Diary, is how my night was. Decide for yourself whether it went positive, or not.

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Narcissa Black 

Well… Let me know what you think, whether you hated it, loved it, that sort of thing. Emails to Leuca_2007@hotmail.com

Thanks for reading!

~Leuca


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